Sad Forever

by JJ Coley

and here’s where i finally tell you the truth.

sometimes i wonder if i’m

too little / too much

and when i say i don’t know

how to take compliments, i sometimes mean

i don’t believe them

i cried on the way

to the end of today

but there’s always been a sort of melancholy in me anyway

except now it’s larger,

suffocating

i never know how to talk about it

but i’m always on the brink of giving up

and i almost texted you but i was

too scared

my life is defined by my fear

and my sadness

lately i feel like

a backseat driver to my own life

a life that feels listless

useless

mindless

a life of fear

and i’ve always been cunning but maybe i’m too tired

to fight anymore

to escape the melancholy

so i let it suffocate me

i let it drown me